“Hey Dad, Are We Rich?” and “How Much Do You Make?”
How to have a discussion about money with your child.
(Initially published on Medium.com, 13-Jan-2026)
How It Started
Years ago when my son was in middle school, he asked me:
“Hey Dad, are we rich?”
What!?
Since he hadn’t previously shown interest in money, I told him, ‘No,’ and asked why he was asking.
It turned out that some friends told him that his parents were rich.
I appreciate that rich means different things to folks based on their circumstances.
I shared that not all people can afford to have the same things or do the same activities or vacations, so they may view those who have or do more as being rich, but …
“No, we are not rich.”
I thought that was the end of that.
Nope, that was round one.
Round Two
A week or so after the ‘rich’ conversation, he asked me:
“How much do you make?”
This one caught me off guard, but I wasn’t that surprised given his earlier question.
I told him that I don’t object to sharing that information, but I’d like to discuss it with his mom first to get her input, after which I would get back to him.
My wife and I discussed it. She had a great perspective on this.
To summarize, she suggested we redirect the conversation to be about him and his goals, instead of just sharing our annual salary figure. He doesn’t know our income or our expenses so knowing our annual income wouldn’t have any context.
She framed it as a conversation about what his lifestyle and budget might resemble based on his life choices for career and expenses.
This gave him a learning / teachable moment while not sharing our personal details with a middle school child.
Here’s a recap of the conversation my son and I had while on a college football road trip.
I hope it provides some guidance and a roadmap for discussing finance with your children.
The Conversation Recap
We had a ninety-minute drive to the football game, so we had some time. Here’s the recap.
Me: Hey buddy, your mom & I discussed your question about how much money we make. While we don’t object to sharing that information, we don’t think it’s actually that useful to you. She suggested discussing money as it relates to your dreams and goals instead.
What do you mean?
Well, you want to be an architect, so it’s probably better for you to try to understand what your budget and lifestyle may look like based on your life choices, not what your mom and I have done. So, get your phone out and do a web search for “Average Salary of an Architect in Texas”.
And so the conversation started.
He found an average salary of about $80,000 and he thought that sounded like a nice salary.
Okay, now you know what your salary might be as an architect. Now, do a web search for “minimum wage in Texas”.
I had him find the minimum wage rate so he would understand how much higher a salary he may get by getting an education versus a minimum wage job and what opportunities and limitations can come with each.
The minimum wage was $7.25 per hour. So, I had him multiply that figure by 2080 for an annual estimated salary.
The minimum wage annual salary was $15,080, compared to an architect’s annual salary of $80,000.
He was quite surprised and open to learning more. That’s where the real discussion started.
Our conversation was a high-level budget review that had him guessing like “The Price is Right.”
For each expense item we discussed, I asked for his best guess, then he did a web search for it and I shared what my wife and I paid for some items.
It was an eye-opening experience for him, for sure!
Using the architect and minimum-wage-job salaries, he did basic math on his phone calculator to determine what was left over after some fundamental items like:
- Contributing to a retirement plan (~15%)
- Paying taxes
- Health insurance
And, We Were Just Getting Started
At this point, it started to hit home for him, seeing what an architect versus somebody earning minimum wage would have to live on each month.
And we kept going.
We discussed each budget item, asking for his estimate of how much each item costs. Of course, without any household money experience, he was woefully wrong, which helped drive home the point.
No, son, our home mortgage is not $300 per month.
We then went through some typical expenses and assigned monthly budget numbers, deducting them from the monthly take-home pay. We talked through items like:
- Home mortgage
- Property taxes
- Insurance
- Car payment
- Car insurance
- Fuel for car
- Groceries
- Utilities (electric, gas, water, phone, internet, etc.)
- Want to go out to eat, add “Restaurants”
- Want to go on vacation, add “Vacation”
He was floored that expenses add up so quickly that there’s not much left, if any at all, by the end of the month. And we hadn’t even listed all the expenses.
Following this conversation, he definitely had an appreciation for how much money it can take to maintain a certain lifestyle.
We then talked some about what that means for different household sizes, like “Do you think a couple with two kids can afford to do much on a minimum-wage salary?”
We’ve always told our kids that the lifestyle we have from my wife and I working & saving for over 30 years is not what they will have when they enter the workforce. The key message was that he needed to understand his goals and expectations.
If he wants to have a jet-set lifestyle, he better choose a career that provides an opportunity to achieve it, or he will be disappointed.
That trip gave us the time for an extended conversation about money — our first of many since then. It was a good exercise for him to think through something in detail and figure out what it meant for him and gain some insight & context.
It helped him realize that money is not unlimited and we make choices for how to use it.
My son is starting college this fall and we’ve done the same thing with a college budget. We have a spreadsheet outlining all the costs. He has a better understanding of what each university option costs and how we (me, his mom, and him) can put together a plan to fund it. These costs will be part of the decision process for the final school choice.
Takeaways
When your kids ask about your money situation, consider these tips:
- Encourage their curiosity! The sooner they learn about money the better they’ll be able to manage it.
- Have a balanced conversation relevant to their age. Direct the discussion towards their lifestyle choices, not yours. They should know what it will take to achieve their goals, not yours.
- Have them do the math and determine the values. The discussion will be more interactive since they’re part of figuring it out and they will tell you the answers.
- Review and discuss the results. Let them know the results are just a data point. It may give them an indicator of what their lifestyle could be.
- Discuss the expenses and how much they can vary between people.
- Relate it to your household expenses, to the extent you feel comfortable. That may help them understand why you make certain financial decisions.
- Leave the door open for more conversations.
Enjoy Life and Thanks for Reading,
-Jeff
