Be Honest With Yourself About Money — Are You the Tortoise or The Hare?
You owe an honest answer to yourself and your future.
(Initially published on Medium.com, 05-Dec-2025)
One of my best friends is the guy you want at your party. He is fun and engaging with everyone. We don’t see each other often, but it’s great to chat and catch up; we pick up where we left off without missing a beat.
Now that I’m retired from engineering, I’ve heard him say, more than once,
“Yeah!? Well, I’d be retired too if I didn’t have to give away half my shit …. TWICE!”
Please pardon the language; it’s a quote. He is twice divorced.
I replied to acknowledge his comment, but I didn’t have anything specific to continue the topic, as I noticed another side to him that suggested jealousy or resentment towards my financial position.
Of course, it’s well afterwards that I figured out the reply I’d like to say, but I would never say to him,
“Are you sure that’s why you’re not retired?”
There is more to his story.
The Tortoise and The Hare
When was the last time you read the story of The Tortoise and The Hare?
The hare
My friend is like the hare; he is in financial services and has various side businesses. I don’t know his financial situation, but I assume that he has a well-above-average salary. But, boy, does he spend it!
Even with his two divorces and two kids, he is a collector of toys.
He has cars, travel trailers, boats, and motorcycles. That’s just the highlights. When I say he has motorcycles, he has 12. He made a point of saying, ‘I had 14, but sold three!’ Yes, he bought another one in between those transactions — wow. And that is his choice.
He works hard and plays hard. I assume his cash flow is high, but his net worth is not where he would like it.
The tortoises
My wife and I are engineers. We are the tortoises. We knew there would be no big sales commissions or bonuses to jump-start or bump up our finances. Hard work, steady saving & investing, and being aligned on our life goals all contributed to our financial security.
Different journeys and different destinations
My friend and I are on different journeys. Our goals and destinations are different, too, but our journeys are intertwined.
He is like a brother to me, but on many topics, we view things differently. And that is okay.
He is enjoying his life and family with his toys and activities. Thirty years ago, I challenged why he didn’t save more. He snapped back with a comment like, ‘We don’t know what tomorrow brings. Maybe when we are old, you will have a pile of money, and I still need to work, but I am going to enjoy today!’
And he has. He enjoys his toys and has a full and fun life. I’m pleased for him.
My wife and I have our version of a full and fun life — we prefer travel and experiences over collecting ‘stuff’.
My life isn’t better or worse than his; we are both doing fine. We are just different, because we are all different. It would be boring if we were all the same.
My friend tends to compare himself to others, so I think that’s where the jealousy or resentment may come from. I’m not sure he is genuinely pleased for me. He’s said things like ‘That’s awesome,” but there is always a follow-on comment to explain or justify why he could have had it too.
I’m not sure he’s honest with himself.
My impression is that his lifestyle and spending are affecting him much more than his two divorces have.
Takeaways
If you are not where you would like to be financially, ask the hard questions. And be honest.
Are you a tortoise or a hare — a saver or a spender?
Step 1: Look at yourself in the mirror, financially, and acknowledge your lifestyle spending tendencies. Review your income and spending. Document it! Be honest and own it. Only then can you consider planning and steps if you are not where you want to be financially.
Step 2: Review your goals. Be honest with yourself. Are your goals realistic? Sometimes, life is hard, and things may not turn out as you want. Last year’s goals may not make sense anymore. That means you pivot to an achievable goal and do not give up. Ignore the Jones! Their goals and values aren’t yours.
Step 3: Define realistic, achievable steps to reach your goals. Shortcuts or ‘hacks’ won’t cut it!
Step 4: Do the hard work. Monitor and manage your finances to achieve your goals. Don’t let setbacks give you a reason to give up. Keep pushing.
Above all, be honest with yourself and the reasons you find yourself in your current financial situation. Own it as your history and as input to the plans you make for your future.
Make your plans and don’t compare yourself to others; you’ll never be happy if you do.
Anything less than honesty? Ask yourself, who are you fooling?
Enjoy Life and Thanks for Reading,
-Jeff
Disclaimer
This article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered financial, investment, business, tax, or legal advice. You should consult a relevant professional before making any major decisions.
